As a figurative artist, I view the experience of drawing a subject as a journey between the model and the artist—one in which an exchange occurs that can be profoundly moving for both participants.
Upon entering the space, I feel a sense of anticipation about what is about to occur. Everything I have experienced during the day up to that point is left behind. I liken it to entering a meditation space. I know that soon I will enter a flow state, that my mind will quiet, and that the intense level of focus will grant me a clarity I didn’t have when I arrived. I find my place in the room based on the angle and lighting, and I prepare my supplies. A quick stretch of my shoulders and back helps me get centered.
When the model is ready, they take their place on the platform and drop their robe. At this point, the western puritanical conditioning kicks in, and I think, “There is a naked body! You should look away!” It’s incredible that, after years of drawing the human figure, this thought still arises. Fortunately, it lingers in my consciousness for only a few seconds. However, I remain aware of how our culture has perpetuated the idea that nudity is taboo and, dare I say, morally corrupt.
The body in front of me quickly transforms into shape and shadow. I see the curve of the back and the straight line of the clavicle. I notice the shadow that falls just so beneath the breasts and the lines the belly makes when it folds over itself. I see the wisps of eyelashes as the light catches them from the side. I observe all of the muscles, tendons, and bones working in delicate balance to hold the body in stillness for the length of the pose.
At first, my lines are tentative and unsure. I question proportions. My mind tries to sneak its way back into the fray: “Are you sure you want to use that color? Is that really how big his calf appears?” I recognize these thoughts and come back into focus: shadow and shape, shadow and shape. This process continues at varying intervals for two to three hours.
As the session comes to an end, I notice the transformation that has occurred. I no longer see the model in front of me as a (gasp) naked body or just as shape and shadow. I now fully witness this human being. I see them for who they are. I recognize every stretch mark and scar, every tattoo and sunspot, as evidence of their commitment to being alive. I take this in, along with the profound vulnerability that exists in their decision to show up in this room on this day. I send them healing and love, knowing that through this journey, I have received the same.
Courtney's Instagram @courtneyhughes9
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